Question: With two seventeen-year-old sons in the house, how do you keep anything in the fridge?
Answer: You don’t!
And so it is in our house where all food and drink disappears mysteriously throughout the day and night. To “protect” our personal favorites, we frequently label them with our names.
As if that really works… To the twins, names are just donor autographs.
“Mom, that leftover tuna salad was awesome!”
“Nate, the veggie tofu dish you whipped up was really good!”
So, when it came to saving my Wendy’s refill on a large sweet tea, I thought of leaving a threatening note along the lines of, “Drink this and you’ll be sorry!”
My husband, Tom, had a different perspective. “Write a note that you peed in it,” he offered. “Just the thought of it will save your tea.”
What a novel idea! (And one I would have never thought of myself.) It takes real genius to come up with a new “modern parenting” tool as unique as that one. I couldn’t wait to test the theory, so I quickly grabbed paper and pen and wrote in big letters “MOM’S PEE.”
I placed the sign on the straw so there would be no mistake and put the tea in the refrigerator. Before closing the door, I lingered momentarily wondering if the pee trick would really work.
The next day I rushed to the fridge and anxiously opened the door. I reached in for the cup and noticed right away it felt light. “What?! NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!”
The tea was gone. Can my kids not read? How could they have done this to me? That was MY tea! I wanted it really badly!
Upon confrontation, Alex admitted that he drank it. “Why?” I whined. “I peed in it.”
He looked at me steadily and nodded. “Nice try, Mom.”
“Don’t take what’s not yours!” I said sternly. “It’s not right.”
“Ok. My bad. Why would you say you peed in your tea anyway? That’s stupid!”
“It was your Dad’s idea.”
“That’s stupid. Nobody would pee in their tea and put it in the fridge,” he informed me.
“They would if they wanted to prove a point to their sons. Besides, I only peed a little bit.”
Alex and Serg exchanged a quick look. I thought I saw a moment of question. I worked it.
“It won’t kill you, but it’s really gross if you think about it. I just wanted to teach you an important lesson.”
Serg took the bait. “EEEEEwwwwwwww! Alex, you drank Mom’s pee!”
Alex looked nervous. He glanced quickly from me to his brother. “It didn’t taste different.”
“That’s because I didn’t pee much. The glass was already full.”
“Ewwwwwwwwww!” Serg was horrified.
“Mom, you didn’t pee in it, did you?” Alex asked, suddenly concerned.
I looked from one to the other and tried to hold on to the story. If I cracked, would they ever learn? Finally, unable to hold it in any longer, I laughed long and hard.
“Psyche!” I said, using one of their common terms.
Then, growing serious again I made it clear that the next time I just might do it. Yes, I just might…